


Girls Only Say Hate You to the Guys That They Love

by sadesmae



Category: Brooklyn Nine-Nine (TV)
Genre: F/M, Fluff, Getting Together
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-17
Updated: 2014-03-17
Packaged: 2018-01-16 00:58:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,889
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1325788
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sadesmae/pseuds/sadesmae
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jake wants to go out with Kylie.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Girls Only Say Hate You to the Guys That They Love

**Author's Note:**

> I started working on this so long ago and it took me until now to finally finish it. It is absolutely nothing like how I originally pictured and I'm learning to be okay with that. In the beginning, I was insanely excited about this idea! It just ended up being one of those stories I got stuck on. 
> 
> Super fluff. Dialogue-heavy. (This is basically a script.) Prepare yourself.
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not own Brooklyn Nine-Nine. It _sucks_.

Everyone thinks he’s kind of an idiot when it comes to actual feelings. And sometimes he might be— in the way that he’s horrible at talking about them— but he’s not oblivious to them.

There’s just a large disconnect between his intellectual and motor skills, okay.

So he knows he maybe has some feelings towards Amy.  He _knows_.  So what if he came to the realization after Charles truth bomb?

Whatever.

Being in denial is hard work.  

He’s just not ready to admit it, especially if it’s not mutual.

And it wouldn’t come as a complete shock with all the joking and pranking he does to her if it wasn’t.

But that’s just _them_.

He wouldn’t do it if he knew she couldn’t take it— he’s not that awful.

However, the only thing worse than realizing he might like Amy, is Amy realizing that he might like Amy.

She’s a great detective ( _she is_ ) and he thinks she might be onto him. He’s been _so_ subtle, but the way she kept asking him why he would care if she left the precinct the other day and the way she’s been smiling at him like she knows something he doesn’t know, says otherwise.

He can’t be this un-cool yet. That’s her thing.

That he likes. _Ah_.

He needs to get inside her head, desperately. Like right now.

Fuck. 

.

 

_Monday 9:00 AM 99 th Precinct_

“Do you think Charles is dating Vivian to make me jealous?”

He turns his head sharply in Diaz’s direction. “Seriously, Diaz? _No._ Did you ever think that he might just like her? They have a lot in common, you know, food.”

“And age?“ She reiterated, bewildered.

“Be careful, Rosa? Your jealousy is showing.” Jakes says with a smug grin.

“You think that I’m jealous? Hah. I just never thought he’d get over me.”

“ _Suuuuuuure.”_

Rosa rolls her eyes and leans over slugging him in the arm.

He reacts by wincing immediately, though he’s felt worse from Rosa before.

He rubs his arm, trying to make a show of all his pain in a typical Jake Peralta fashion, but stops abruptly when he gets an idea.

“Thanks, Rosa!!” He shouts and takes off towards the emergency lock up. 

.

 

_Monday 9:20 AM 99 th Precinct_

Jake works fast. He does a little research, makes a quick call, and sits down at his desk across from Amy all in a matter of minutes.

He’s just stares at her, failing miserably to hide the smirk that’s making its way across his face when she decides she can’t take it anymore.

“What?” Amy asks, giving him a questioning glare.

“How’s Kylie?”

“Kylie? As in my friend Kylie?”

He nods. “Yes, talk to me about Kylie.”

“Um… she’s good. She just got a new job working for this fashion marketing company. I don’t think that it is that hard to work there, definitely not a challenge, but she gets invited to a lot of parties with models and—“

“Did you say models? Amy! What are you doing here? You should definitely leave the Nine-Nine and work with Kylie. Hook up your best guy with a model, preferably a blonde…”

Amy rolls her eyes. “Shut up, Peralta. Why are you asking about Kylie anyway? Just the other day you said Kylie annoyed you. You said she was worse than the girl from Gina’s dance troupe. And you’ve only met her twice. Both times accidentally.”

“Oh yeah.” Shit. He did say that.

His smirk falters. “Well, I changed my mind. I want to go out with her.”

“With Kylie?” She scoffs.

“Yes, with Kylie. Do you have any other friends?”

He allows for his smirk to return to its usual spot.

“Not the point right now, Peralta. Are you serious?”

“Super serious, Santiago. Isn’t that what friends do, set friends up with their other friends.” Jake says cheekily.

Amy’s staring at him with a look that is somewhere between outraged and confused. He has no idea what she’s going to do. Weirdly, he’s kind of turned on. But at the same time, it’s not really that weird at all.

He even thinks she’s cute when she’s mad.

The corner of her mouth twitches slightly.

“No.” She says, her voice a lot louder than she planned. “You are not! So stop fooling around, Jake.”

She calls him Jake and she’s so mad and she’s muttering under her breath, “This is ridiculous.”

“Can I have her number?” He persists.

“Obviously, no. Are you crazy?!”

“I don’t think so?”

“That was a rhetorical question.” She huffs, as her hands reach up to massage her temples.

“Then I’ll message her.” He starts typing away on his keyboard and she thinks she’s going to blow a blood vessel. “I’m doing it. Right now. It’s happening.”

“Actually, you’re _no_ t doing this. It’s actually _not_ happening!” She lunges forward. Placing her hands down forcefully on the table. She casts her eyes down at Jake, angrily begging for his attention, but he refuses to meet her gaze.

“Hey there Kylie. Exclamation point! It’s Jake, Amy Santiago’s handsome partner—“ He enunciates every word with enthusiasm and snark.

She pouts.

It’s like he can hear her thinking, “ _What an idiot.”_

“Stop it, Jake! I’m warning you.” She’s shaking her head, her face tinted pink.

He looks up and locks eyes with hers.

“Why?” He asks.

“Because. Kylie’s my friend. I don’t want her to go out with _you_. She wouldn’t agree anyway. Kylie has taste.” Amy answers, clearing fuming, more upset than she should be.

“Oh look! She already messaged me back. She wants to go out Thursday night.”

He’s nearly giddy with excitement.

“You’re joking.”

“No, I’m really not! I’m even surprised by how fast she got back to me. Lightning speed!” Jake’s eyes brighten in pleasant surprise.

Amy on the other hand appears to be mere seconds from a full-fledged panic attack. Teeth clenched, eyes bulged, and body shaking; Jake’s smile fades for a moment.

Perhaps he’s taken this too far.

“I- I- I- hate you!” She screams, storming out of the office.

Before he has time to process her reaction, Holt walks out of his office and— “Peralta? What did you do this time?”

“Why do you care? Are you developing a soft spot for for Santiago, sir?” He quips; relaxing back into his chair and planting a stupid look on his face.

“Jake, I think the Captain could ask you the same question. He won’t, but he should.” Gina cuts in— suddenly choosing to pay attention.

She had previously painting her nails and _not_ doing paper work.

“ _Thankssss_ , Gina!” He shoots back with a look that needs no explanation; _you suck_. 

.

 

_Monday 10:00 AM 99 th Precinct_

“Seriously, Kylie? Amy asks trying to hide the desperation in her voice. _Why is this happening?_

“Absolutely. I want to know what makes this guy get under your skin so much…” Kylie’s voice trails, “and if he’s as good looking as his profile picture, then he can certainly rile me up.” She answers, sounding both interested and amused.

“First off, his profile picture is of George Clooney. He looks nothing like George Clooney. Second, he’s the worst. He’s like… a tall child.”

“At least he’s tall Amy. I couldn’t wear heels around my last boyfriend. It was miserable.”

“Listen to yourself, you sound shallow.”

“I am shallow. I don’t try to hide that.” Kylie laughs.

 _And that she doesn’t_.

Amy thinks back to the last time they went out together. Kylie had the nerve to refer to each guy they spoke to with a different nickname based on their attractiveness.

“Why are we friends, again?”

“Because I’m shallow and even though you wear your hair tied back every day, you are _still_ pretty and that’s something I really look for in friends.”

“Bye Kylie.” She hangs up and looks at the phone in her hand in complete disbelief. She knows Kylie is _mostly_ joking, but she reflects on her friend situation right now anyway and decides to ask Rosa to hang out more after work.

That is one she gets the image of those two out of her head and beats the living crap out of Jake.

He can’t go out with Kylie if he’s lying in a hospital bed.

Well, maybe she wouldn’t go that far ( _of course she wouldn’t_ ), but the thought makes her smile for a few seconds before one thought leads to the next and _damn_ , she wouldn’t really want Jake to be in the hospital.

That would really scare her.

She just wants to shove him a couple times. 

.

 

_Monday 12:00 PM 99 th Precinct_

Jake had just walked back into the precinct after playing secondary to Charles for the afternoon when Amy corners him in the break room, grabbing hold of his arm.

“So here’s the deal, you have two options. One, you cancel on Kylie. Or two, you make a reservation for four because I want to be there. I want to witness your poor attempts at being charming. I want to watch Kylie regret agreeing to go out with you in the first place. And I want to do this while sitting across from a handsome, amazing date. I already called Luke.”

“ _Ewwww_ , Luke.” He shudders.

He hates thinking about Santiago and her dates… even if they are terrible, weird dates. He doesn’t like to think about her dating. _At all._

“Yeah. Luke.” She responds with a smug smile. “I’m giving you one hour to decide.”

“One hour? That’s so much pressure and all because I want to go on a stupid date.” Jake replies, feigning complete and utter stress.

“Well if it’s stupid, then you won’t go.” Amy responds, much quieter and much more serious.

“Would you like me to not go, Amy?” Jake asks, his voice now soft.

“I thought I made it extremely clear that I didn’t want you to go.” She hisses.

“Okay then.”

“Okay? As in you won’t go out with her? Or ‘Okay’ as in you’re saying that to get me off your back and then you’re going to disregard everything I said.”

“Okay as in— I won’t go out with Kylie.”

“Thank you.” She answers, not looking him in the eye. “And I don’t hate you.” She sits back down at her desk and spends the rest of the day silent.

Jake watches as she works quietly; she doesn’t look up from her work once.

He tries to think about what the silence means and hopes it’s a good thing. Though for all he knows, it means nothing and she just doesn’t want her partner dating her best friend. 

.

 

_Monday 8:30 PM The Rock Shop_

After work, they all go out for drinks, like they usually do a few times during the week. Jake’s sat himself next to Amy and across from Rosa and Gina, while Charles tells another elaborate yet pointless story. 

“While your story is thrilling me, Charles, there’s at hottie over there who keeps checking me out and it’s about time I said hello.” Gina says interrupting with little to no remorse.

“It’s okay, Gina. Now where was I?” Charles rests his head on one of his hands and tries to remember where he left off as Gina gladly ditches the group. 

“I have no idea. I stopped paying attention twenty minutes ago.” Rosa’s voice is dripping with boredom. “Anyway, I’m leaving. See you in the morning.” And with that she picks up her belongings and leaves the bar.

Amy groans at Rosa’s departure. She wishes she didn’t leave.

She already felt awkward as it was but at least with Rosa’s presence, she felt a little more at ease.

With only Charles, it felt as if it was only she and Jake. No ever paid attention to anything Charles was saying.

“Bye Rosa!” Charles says cheerily and turns back to Jake and Amy, who he’s noticed are quieter than usual. They aren’t bickering or spitting their drinks at each other through their straws. They’re actually just sitting there, which is weird.

“Is everything good between you two?” He asks.

They both answer at the same time—

“Yeah, of course, Charles. But thanks for asking.” Amy replies sincerely.

“No, Charles. Please leave.” Jake answers.

Amy turns towards Jake, confusion clear in her eyes. “We’re not?”

Charles takes his cue to leave, motioning for Jake to call him with his hand, which Jake promptly ignores.

“I have to tell you something.”

Amy gulps down the rest of her drink.

“You should know that I was never going out with Kylie.” He says earnestly.

“Peralta, we don’t have to talk about this.”

“You’re right, we don’t have to. But, I _kinda_ feel like we should.”

Her eyes go wide. This would be the first time Jake ever wanted to talk about something serious. She didn’t know what she was expecting, but she knows she wasn’t expecting this.

At the very most, she thought that after a day or two of awkwardness, Jake would crack a joke and forget about how weird she’d gotten at the idea of him going out with Kylie.

Because it shouldn’t have been that big of deal (she’s _never_ that transparent)— even though she made it one.

She’s kind of coming to terms with why.

“I called her and set up the whole thing. I don’t want to date weirdo Kylie.”

Amy inhales a sharp intake of breath. She wants to freak out, but instead forces herself to remain calm, only blinking her eyes a few quick times.

She lets out the breath she didn’t realize she was holding and decides that the feeling she has right now is called _relief._

“Why would you do that Jake?” She asks.

“Do you want my honest answer or my bullshit answer?

“Both.”

“To piss you off, naturally. But I guess I also wanted to make you jealous. It worked….“ Jake paused, “Didn‘t it?”

“Maybe. I never actually called Luke.”

“No?”

“No. I just knew you hated him so I figured I’d throw his name out there.” Amy finally manages to smile.

“Hmmm… Interesting, Santiago.”

“ _You’re_ the interesting one, pulling this stunt in the first place!”

By this point, she thinks she has an idea of what’s going on here and she doesn’t hate it. Not one bit.

Maybe that should freak her out more, but she’s honestly excited that her outburst was sort of warranted. He wanted to make her jealous and she didn’t want him to go on a date with her best friend.

“Wonder why, huh?” She prods.

“Amy, don’t make me say it.”

“ _Jake_.”

“Please? It was hard enough for me realizing that—you know—I had to literally do something to see if you were—you know, too.”

“You’re a loser.” She replies, but there’s no malice in her voice.

“No, _you’re_ the loser Amy Santiago.”

She gives him a look as if to say _do you really want to go there_.

“You’re not a loser. Just a total dork.”

She rolls her eyes.

"So here’s the real deal. I’m not going out with Kylie and you are never going out with anyone.” Jake says with a smile, obviously content with his plan.

“That sounds like a fair deal.” She replies sarcastically.

“I could also not date anyone.”

“Hmmm…” She’s smiles back at him because both of them not dating anyone means…

“Yeah and like in our free time, since we’re both not dating anyone, we could hang out, you know.”

“What would we do during these hangouts?”

“I don’t know… go antique shopping, sew a quilt, or check out an art museum. Maybe even dinner and movie. Things like that.”

“You’re going _really_ regret suggesting antique shopping.” She says with a smirk.

“The funny thing is that I’m not. Because I’ll be hanging out with you.”

Amy feels a chill run down her back. Then her eyes are watering and she can’t close her mouth, she’s smiling so wide.

Jake feels too far away even though he’s sitting right next to her and she needs his lips on hers.

Almost like he can read her mind, he leans over and she moves so her face is next to his. He looks so excited and it makes her giggle as he closes the distance between their lips for a much too short, but electric kiss.

He pulls backs, his lips lingering near her ear. “Sorry, I was nervous.”

“It’s okay, I think I like you nervous. I’m going to remember this for when you go back to your regular, cocky self.”

“Which, I will. Because I’m awesome.”

“There he is.”

 .

 

_Tuesday 9:00 AM 99 th Precinct_

When Jake gets to the precinct the next morning, Amy’s already there. Of course.

He smiles as he remembers the last night’s events.

He honestly has no idea how everything worked out _so_ well yesterday, but he’s feeling pretty lucky that it did.

Like, he’s totally dating Amy Santiago.

He hopes she knows that… _should he clarify that with her?_

He walks through the office, bypassing his desk and stopping right at Amy’s.

“Santiago.” He greets her with a grin.

She looks up, her eyes bright and her smile promising.

“Peralta.”

“So in case I didn’t make it clear last night, we’re dating.”

“I think I got the gist.”


End file.
